How Can I Get My Child to Stop Sucking His Thumb?!
When my boys were born, it was so cute (and often helpful) to see them sucking on a pacifier or their thumb. My first son always used a pacifier, or binky as we called it. We spent some time worrying about his teeth and how we were going to get him to stop using his binky, and much to our surprise, he ended up doing it on his own. He threw his last one away when he was around three years old.
Then baby boy two came along. We were so relieved when he didn’t want a binky. What a relief…no struggle to get him to stop sucking on a binky in our future. But, what he did start doing was sucking on his thumb. Little did we realize that this cute little action would be a harder challenge for all of us.
Here we are, our youngest is going to be five and we cannot get him to stop sucking his thumb. It is obvious in his teeth that he is a thumb sucker. They are already starting to “move”. So, I do what I love to do…research and find out how we can help him to stop sucking his thumb, in a non-traumatic way, and possibly preventing future dental work.
I came across an article in the May issue of Scholastic Parent & Child Magazine. It gave some great tips on ways to handle thumb-sucking. Like most other obstacles with children, we should be using positive reinforcement and distraction rather than admonishing him for sucking his thumb. It recommends occupying his hands at times when he sucks his thumb. Boredom can be a big cause, so try to keep their hands busy and their minds occupied.
Shari Green, C.O.M., I.A.O.M, Certified Orofacial Myologist, and more easily termed “the Thumb Lady” of ThumbLady.com, states “Over 85% of children who suck their fingers and thumbs past age 4-5 may develop speech problems, tongue thrust swallows, and have flaccid weak tongues and lips.” She offers a program on her site that is based on behavior modification and positive reinforcement.
Babies begin sucking their thumbs because it is comforting and natural from the time they are born. If a child continues sucking his thumb, Shari Green states that “Childhood thumbsucking beyond age 5 is a HABIT — nothing more, nothing less. There comes a point in time when children truly want to stop, but often the habit has persisted for so long and is so ingrained, they cannot stop on their own.”
I would love to hear about your challenges and successes with thumb sucking. Leave a post…it may just help another parent!
raelynn @ Kidz Comfort
Why Children Lie and What You can do About it
One time or another, all children lie. It’s just a fact.
What made me research this topic is that my 5-year old son began kicking it up a notch with the lies. I can easily understand why he is lying about certain things, but what was more curious to me is how did he actually learn to lie.
Is it a trait that humans are born with? Or, is it something they actually get exposed to and learn to do from others.
Susan Epstein, Parent Coach at ParentingPowers.com says “Children lie for a number of reasons.”
Susan adds “The most common reason is for fear of getting in trouble and disappointing parents or feeling shame. They took something they shouldn’t have. The parent finds out and gets angry. Best response: ” What you did is wrong..but we all make mistakes. Please don’t do this again.” In other words…if you don’t shame your child but correct the behavior instead it isn’t scary or humiliating when they do make a mistake and lie about it. Children also lie because they want something very badly. For instance, “I went to Disney Land” from a 5 year old…could mean “I wish very much I could go to Disney Land.” The best response a parent could say would be: “I know you wish you had gone”…in other words teach the child the difference between wish and truth.”
Children are not Naturally Deceitful
As stated above by Parent Coach, Susan Epstein, “The most common reason is fear of getting in trouble and disappointing parents or feeling shame.” Creating excessive fear in a child may actually reinforce their desire to lie rather than solve the problem. To avoid this issue, create an environment where your child feels comfortable telling the truth. Make sure your expectations are not unrealistically high for their age.
Dr. Benjamin Spock says that “When a child lies regularly, it may mean that she is under too much pressure of some kind.” As a parent, your job is to work with others that are close to your child such as their teacher, to find out what is wrong. Begin by saying something like “You don’t have to lie to me. Tell me what the trouble is and we’ll see what we can do.” Your child may not even know the answer to this question right away, but be patient and it will pay off in the end.
Is Lying Related to the Intelligence of Your Child?
More recent studies show that lying is related to intelligence. Lying demands both cognitive development and social skills that honesty simply doesn’t require. If your child is already starting to tell little white lies at a very early age, such as by the time they are 2 or 3, it could actually mean that your child is very intelligent.
By the age of 4 most children will have lied to avoid punishment of some kind. Many books and other resources will even advise that you should just let the lies go at this age because they will grow out of it. The opposite is actually true…the truth is they’ll grow into it if allowed. Make sure you are explaining why it is important to tell the truth and not lie.
As they age, not only will they lie to avoid punishment, but also to increase their “power”, their sense of control, and as a way of getting more attention. Many older children will actually make up stories about who they’ve met or things they’ve done, just so others will be impressed by them.
When Should You be Concerned About Your Child Lying
If your child has a sudden dramatic increase in lying, it can be a danger sign of other more serious concerns. Excessive lying is often a symptom of other underlying issues.
Children who don’t feel good about themselves often lie much more. We should be trying to determine what the issue may be without expressing anger at the dishonesty. It is important to make sure our children don’t have low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can be the root of many other future concerns.
Another reason that children begin to increase their dishonesty is because their parents may be too intrusive. As children get older, their desire for privacy also increases. They maintain privacy, individuality and control by controlling the amount of information that they share with their parents. Too much “where were you”, “what did you do”, “who were you with” will eventually lead to dishonesty.
Children often react by lying when they know or sense that there is an issue in the family. If parents are fighting, divorcing or if there are other issues within their family, this may be the way they vie for attention and work at getting the fighting parties to work together again.
Acting out can be a cry for help.
Conclusion
Children may lie at all different ages and for all different reasons. Do your research and pay attention so that their lying is not a red flag for more concern. Get involved, but do not smother them. You may even make your family bond stronger.
How do You Teach Disability Awareness to Your Children?
March is actually DISABILITY AWARENESS MONTH, and I have come to learn about an organization that truly should be in the spotlight…
The CVS Caremark Charitable Trust and CVS Caremark’s “All Kids Can”
They have created this organization to support children with disabilities by raising awareness in our own communities, including our schools, about the importance of inclusion. They partner with other organizations to help children with disabilities learn, play and succeed.
I am very proud of the fact that my own community supports these types of organizations and has programs set up to raise awareness. My 4-year old’s preschool has a Muscular Dystrophy Hop-athon where they teach the kids about disabilities and ways to help out. My 5-year old’s kindergarten class also has a program in their school where they teach the children about autism so that they understand it better and can make choices to help these kids feel included.
In our own home, we talk about how everyone is different in some way and that is what makes life so fun and interesting. We all have different hair, skin, bodies, personalities…and if not for that, it would be way too boring. My children are also fortunate enough to be exposed to people in power chairs, which initially can be a bit intimidating for a small child, but they no longer think it is any “different” and understand that some people’s legs just don’t work the same as ours.
Learn more about the CVS Caremark organizations by visiting http://www.cvscaremarkallkidscan.com/.
Please share your story of how you teach disability awareness in your own homes. This is an important topic and should be discussed. Have you had an uncomfortable moment with your child when they first came upon some one with a disability?
Can Your Child’s DNA Determine Athleticism?
I was fascinated by a news segment last evening. Fox 25 News had a brief article about Parents that are actually having their child’s DNA tested to determine what sport they will excel at. Apparently, scientists have developed a genetic test to determine which sport suits a child. It is said that it will determine whether your child will be best at speed & power sports versus endurance sports. Many other scientists feel this test is very flawed because it only analyzes a singe gene marker when there are many more important factors, such as the right nutrition, the type of coach they may have while they are playing a sport, and the child’s own drive.
Many people feel it will cause Parents to unfairly push their children into a sport that they may not be very interested in, or it may even take the fun out of what would have been an enjoyable sport if the child does not live up to what the test is telling them.
I have thought about this and I would not test my children for a couple of different reasons. I would not want to risk even a remote chance that I would pressure my child into a sport because I think it was meant to be. I also don’t believe that the test could possibly be 100% accurate. Why not let nature take its course.
Do you feel it is possibly jading a child by having this test done on them? Would you want to know? Why?
Parent Tips to De-Stress Your Day
Parenting is the toughest job I know!
But, also the most enjoyable. Having two small boys myself, I am quite aware of the trials and tribulations that go along with parenting. It doesn’t matter their ages…each age brings new “challenges” and opportunities with it. Our job is to be creative and make our children well rounded, responsible, conscientious, empathetic individuals…among other things.
Over the years, my creativity has been deeply challenged. My boys are four and five years old. They feed off of each other. Together, they can push Mommy over the edge. I have had to be creative to divert their inner need to push my every button. I have decided to share some of these tips in the hopes that I can prevent other Moms from snapping…
- To avoid the “get dressed!” argument in the morning, we have a race. Who can get ready first; Mommy & Daddy, or the Brothers (we work in teams). Or, we set a timer and see if the boys can beat their previous “record”. This has been a huge success for us.
- My kids are very picky eaters, so we’ve found that when we have the kids help us prepare the meals, they sample the ingredients and they also are more anxious to eat what they’ve created. Read more about having your kids help you at mealtime HERE.
- I cannot express how much it has helped to turn their food into shapes and characters, and it’s soooo easy to do. The robot shaped grilled cheese is a huge hit in our house!
- My husband and I have created a trivia game during our dinner-time. We just ask age-appropriate questions and in order to hear the next question, they must take a bite of their food. This has worked surprisingly well for us.
- And finally, watch this video on occasion for a good laugh…
Do you have any great tips of your own that you would like to share?
Take Back Your Parenting Power Today!
Is this your family?
We have a great interview for you today! We were fortunate enough to interview Parent Coach, Susan Epstein. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Parent Coach and has so much to offer parents.
Q: Tell me a little bit about yourself, both personally and professionally.
A: I graduated from Clark University in Worcester, MA in 1980, where I earned a B.A. degree in Sociology and Spanish with a minor in Psychology. I worked for the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children until moving to California in 1984, where I pursued my M.S.W. from the University of California at Berkeley School of Social Welfare. I am a certified Brief Strategic Family Therapist and trained with the Family Therapy Institute, at the University of Miami. I completed training in 2003 with the internationally accredited Coaches Training Institute. Bilingual in English/Spanish, has enabled me to work with different cultures throughout my career.
Q: How did you become interested in this profession?
A: I had worked as a clinical social worker since 1980. It bothered me that our training was focused on client’s pathologies rather than on their strengths. I felt that there had to be a better more positive way to help families help themselves without splitting everyone up and seeing them in therapy. In 2002, I hired my own life coach to see what that would be like. The experience was eye opening and life changing. Coaching seemed like a great fit. I was able to take what I knew and had studied and transfer it into a career that helps parents move forward and immediately feel successful.
Q: Is there some one that inspired you to do what you do?
A: My inspiration comes from many people who I have worked with over the years. Some were teachers, mentors and even clients. From the age of 16, when I read my first “self help books” Born to Win and I’m Okay You’re Okay. I knew that psychology was my field.
Q: When and why did you start your Parenting Powers Blog?
A: I started Parenting Powers in March 2007. I had been parent coaching and had a local private practice. I wanted to reach a wider audience and help parents through my writing, speaking and teaching.
Q: What is it that you have to share with other Parents?
A: You are trying too hard. Parents use way too much energy, too many words, too many mixed messages. Simplify, simplify, simplify!
Q: Can you give us an idea of the types of topics that you cover in your blog?
A: Respect, How to Parent Calmly, How to Motivate kids to cooperate, Homework issues, Divorce, Death and other losses and much more.
Q: How can interested people learn more about you and your work?
A: Go to http://parentingpowers.com/ and sign up for my free special report, How to Take Back Your Parenting Power.
You can also take a look at my books, dvds and audio cds by clicking HERE.
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